Shitty coffee is drinkable when you're around

I will never say ‘I love you’, because I don’t know what love is;

Because the word is overestimated, overrated, overly discussed;

Because people feel the fake relief when they say it;

Because people expect too much, more than they should when they hear it;

Because there exist sometimes a wrong turn, people highlighted the word rather than the meaning;

Because it has too much sweetener;

Because careless people make it sounds cheap;

Because I hate to talk about things that I don’t know well;

Because I have learnt my lesson that sometimes a word can lie, especially the pretty ones;

Because I can not carry the burden of it;

Because I can not promise you anything out of it;

Because I am corny and stupid but still try to somehow figure things out.

I said ‘I like you’, because I know exactly what it means;

Because you make my heart skips a beat when I see you;

Because you make my palms sweat when you look at me;

Because you make me hardly breathing when you told me to stay still for you to draw my  face;

Because you make my cheeks turn red when you say my name;

Because you’re the first thing in my mind when I wake up;

Because you’re the last thing I think about before my sleep;

Because you make even a shitty coffee drinkable when you're around;

Because I was excited when your account pop up in my twitter timeline;

Because I could wake up all night have a chat with you;

Because I always want to touch your hand when it’s within my reach;

Because I always want to kiss you when you tightly hold my hand;

Because when we kissed I feel like I couldn’t stop;

Because I enjoy so much when you listen to me talking, whether important or gibberish;

Because I got nervous when my cell phone beeps and I read your name on it;

Because I want to close my eyes and feel the air when you sing;

Because deep inside I always want to sing along when you play your guitar;

Because I feel a funny thrill in my body when you said you like me;

Because I don’t care what people say about us;

Because I write these lines and shamelessly update it on my blog for you to see;

Because I don’t believe in relationship but still want to feel warmth in my heart.

Now I say ‘I miss you’, because I do like you and I do miss you;

Because last time we had coffee together I was afraid to hold your hand;

Because last time I saw you I was afraid to look at you;

Because a sight of you makes me want to look down at my shoes, then hide myself;

Because hear your voice from a distance make me want to run and hold you;

Because I was afraid to look at you and again realize how far we are;

Because I was afraid that you look at my face and see how I feel;

Because you are still first thing in the morning and the last at night;

Because I’m online, look at your facebook page and feel sad;

Because I can still remember things you said that you don’t say anymore;

Because I’m staring at my cell phone and hope your name will show up again;

Because I want to text you, send you messages, tweet you, but I am so afraid of your reaction : what will you text back and how do you feel about my actions;

Because I want to say it out loud but I can not take rejection;

Because I have to delete all of our messages, it hurts too much;

Because I deleted your messages and now trying not to regret it;

Because I listen to Adele and feel my throat choked;

Because when I hear a song that reminded me of you (or us) I feel a slight of pain;

Because I’m wondering, now who you sing for, who you think about, who you text;

Because I’m dying to know what you think of when it’s not me;

Because when I see your name in my timeline, I want to do something about it but then end up doing nothing;

Because I haven’t seen the sparkle in your eyes for a long time;

Because I don’t mind people look down on me when they know I’m broken hearted;

Because for me it’s still you, but I don’t know what I am to you;
Because I am comfortable with loneliness but I can't stand unanswered questions;

Because I am wondering what actually happened.

They said : You’ll never know until you try. Yes, I’ve tried. Now I know and I have to face the consequences of taking the experience.

And now I know I’m screwed because every single word I wrote is true.

Love is rubbish, but I miss you.