First, because I was tried to make it smooth and painless but someone won't go along that way.
Second, I am simply in pain. For the words addressed to me, for the anger and hate toward me, for those attitude, for a best-friend that I lost.
I was tried, and still trying until this second. What am I trying (or have tried)? I tried not to explode. I tried not to shout those harsh words, although I'm not a sweet-modest-kind-of-lady. It's super easy for me to throw the foul words, but I choose not to, for some reason that I think may be better. I tried to manage my anger, my pain, find a distraction to boost my mood. I tried to cheer-up myself when the attack is coming, I tried to get super busy to overcome the heartache.
But the verbal abuse is still coming, torturing me unnecessarily, breaking me inside and out.
I have lost both my lover and best-friend, I tried so hard not to hate him. So hard. I move around to search another perspective, I tried to understand. I shut my fuckin mouth so I don't pour a gasoline on a huge fire.
Stop calling me coward and liar : everyone has a secret, don't act like you don't know it.
Don't you have any? And with not revealing that secret to a particular person, esp when the secret is about your private life, is it making you a coward? and a liar? We all have reason. Reasons. I know that you know me well, so you know exactly the word that gonna burn me. Liar it is. Congrats. (and until today? come on..)
*inhale..exhale..
P.S : 1. I tried to explain : failed
2. I tried not to hate you, please, please I beg you, don't make that effort failed too.
3. I know I made mistakes, but I definitely don't deserve a punishment like this. You know it.
*this city is so cold tonight. just a perfect fucking ambiance.
