First, because I was tried to make it smooth and painless but someone won't go along that way.
Second, I am simply in pain. For the words addressed to me, for the anger and hate toward me, for those attitude, for a best-friend that I lost.
I was tried, and still trying until this second. What am I trying (or have tried)? I tried not to explode. I tried not to shout those harsh words, although I'm not a sweet-modest-kind-of-lady. It's super easy for me to throw the foul words, but I choose not to, for some reason that I think may be better. I tried to manage my anger, my pain, find a distraction to boost my mood. I tried to cheer-up myself when the attack is coming, I tried to get super busy to overcome the heartache.
But the verbal abuse is still coming, torturing me unnecessarily, breaking me inside and out.
I have lost both my lover and best-friend, I tried so hard not to hate him. So hard. I move around to search another perspective, I tried to understand. I shut my fuckin mouth so I don't pour a gasoline on a huge fire.
Stop calling me coward and liar : everyone has a secret, don't act like you don't know it.
Don't you have any? And with not revealing that secret to a particular person, esp when the secret is about your private life, is it making you a coward? and a liar? We all have reason. Reasons. I know that you know me well, so you know exactly the word that gonna burn me. Liar it is. Congrats. (and until today? come on..)
*inhale..exhale..
P.S : 1. I tried to explain : failed
2. I tried not to hate you, please, please I beg you, don't make that effort failed too.
3. I know I made mistakes, but I definitely don't deserve a punishment like this. You know it.
*this city is so cold tonight. just a perfect fucking ambiance.
first off... *HUGS* I know I've written this so many times but *HUGS*
ReplyDeletestay strong, I know how it feels, I've been in your position and you know how stressed I am.
Not being able to spit the words we want to shout about is such a torture, lol, but I believe you can do that. inhale... exhale... inhale love, exhale hate...
Just don't think too much about the person you don't want to care about, just remember that curiosity kill the cat, so until you're a strong enough cat, don't be too curious.
and for those who do verbal abuse, anyone of you, you know who you are; you suck hard. (I think I am included in it too now? Oops! But I'm not THAT harsh, right?)
mademoiselle, c'est la vie, enjoy the ride. One day later you'll remember this moment and laugh it off, and be proud of how strong you've been ;)
tyrrr.......... *hugs*
ReplyDeletethank God I have you guys around me..
c'est la vie! amusez-vous!