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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Shitty coffee is drinkable when you're around



I will never say ‘I love you’, because I don’t know what love is;
Because the word is overestimated, overrated, overly discussed;
Because people feel the fake relief when they say it;
Because people expect too much, more than they should when they hear it;
Because there exist sometimes a wrong turn, people highlighted the word rather than the meaning;
Because it has too much sweetener;
Because careless people make it sounds cheap;
Because I hate to talk about things that I don’t know well;
Because I have learnt my lesson that sometimes a word can lie, especially the pretty ones;
Because I can not carry the burden of it;
Because I can not promise you anything out of it;
Because I am corny and stupid but still try to somehow figure things out.


I said ‘I like you’, because I know exactly what it means;
Because you make my heart skips a beat when I see you;
Because you make my palms sweat when you look at me;
Because you make me hardly breathing when you told me to stay still for you to draw my  face;
Because you make my cheeks turn red when you say my name;
Because you’re the first thing in my mind when I wake up;
Because you’re the last thing I think about before my sleep;
Because you make even a shitty coffee drinkable when you're around;
Because I was excited when your account pop up in my twitter timeline;
Because I could wake up all night have a chat with you;
Because I always want to touch your hand when it’s within my reach;
Because I always want to kiss you when you tightly hold my hand;
Because when we kissed I feel like I couldn’t stop;
Because I enjoy so much when you listen to me talking, whether important or gibberish;
Because I got nervous when my cell phone beeps and I read your name on it;
Because I want to close my eyes and feel the air when you sing;
Because deep inside I always want to sing along when you play your guitar;
Because I feel a funny thrill in my body when you said you like me;
Because I don’t care what people say about us;
Because I write these lines and shamelessly update it on my blog for you to see;
Because I don’t believe in relationship but still want to feel warmth in my heart.


Now I say ‘I miss you’, because I do like you and I do miss you;
Because last time we had coffee together I was afraid to hold your hand;
Because last time I saw you I was afraid to look at you;
Because a sight of you makes me want to look down at my shoes, then hide myself;
Because hear your voice from a distance make me want to run and hold you;
Because I was afraid to look at you and again realize how far we are;
Because I was afraid that you look at my face and see how I feel;
Because you are still first thing in the morning and the last at night;
Because I’m online, look at your facebook page and feel sad;
Because I can still remember things you said that you don’t say anymore;
Because I’m staring at my cell phone and hope your name will show up again;
Because I want to text you, send you messages, tweet you, but I am so afraid of your reaction : what will you text back and how do you feel about my actions;
Because I want to say it out loud but I can not take rejection;
Because I have to delete all of our messages, it hurts too much;
Because I deleted your messages and now trying not to regret it;
Because I listen to Adele and feel my throat choked;
Because when I hear a song that reminded me of you (or us) I feel a slight of pain;
Because I’m wondering, now who you sing for, who you think about, who you text;
Because I’m dying to know what you think of when it’s not me;
Because when I see your name in my timeline, I want to do something about it but then end up doing nothing;
Because I haven’t seen the sparkle in your eyes for a long time;
Because I don’t mind people look down on me when they know I’m broken hearted;
Because for me it’s still you, but I don’t know what I am to you;
Because I am comfortable with loneliness but I can't stand unanswered questions;
Because I am wondering what actually happened.

They said : You’ll never know until you try. Yes, I’ve tried. Now I know and I have to face the consequences of taking the experience.

And now I know I’m screwed because every single word I wrote is true.
Love is rubbish, but I miss you.